LORRY DRIVERS – YOU’VE GOTTA LOVE ‘EM

 

Where do all the boy racers go when they grow up?

What happens to them after they’ve finished tearing around in daft wee cars that sport exhaust pipes the size of dustbins, undertaking on motorways, overtaking on blind summits and generally proving that the neurons in their pea-sized brains are nowhere near fully connnected.

Where are they now – the ones that haven’t skidded into Hell sideways and on fire?

I think I know: they became lorry drivers.

In the recent snow and ice conditions these “kings of the road” come tearing up the fast lane, spraying everybody with slush and salt as they thunder off into the distance at the speed of light.

And it’s no use blasting your horn at them because the sound waves will never catch up with these idiots.

Your only chance is to see them coming behind you and prepare yourself mentally for the onslaught. Spotting them in your rear-view mirror isn’t difficult at night because they’ve taken to decorating their cabs with more coloured lights than Blackpool seafront. They resemble giant Wurlitzer jukeboxes bearing down on you.

(As a side note, I thought that by law it was only emergency vehicles that could display blue lights. Am I wrong, or are the police just turning a blind eye to that?)

Of course, when not travelling at inappropriate speeds they ride two abreast mile after mile to ensure that nobody behind them has any hope of getting past.

If you need proof of their inability to read the weather conditions, consider how the M80 was recently blocked for eight hours by a jacknifed lorry. At the same time, the M8 was also blocked – by a jacknifed lorry. The whole of central Scotland was brought to a halt; and I know because I ended up sleeping in my car at 3am on what is usually Scotland’s busiest road.

To jacknife a lorry you simply drive too fast for the conditions and then brake sharply so that the big box on the back overtakes the wee box on the front. Simple.

So, all this mayhem was caused, not by the snow and ice, but by big boy racers in trucks who think that ice is only slippery and dangerous if you’re a pedestrian or driving a wee car.

It seems that the lorry drivers’ manual states that you’ll only skid and hit something if you don’t have the pedal to the metal at all times. Their belief is that speed and momentum is the antidote to skidding.

Or perhaps they’re just thoughtless, stupid, inconsiderate and dangerous twerps who think that outlandish “look at me” lighting is cool.

Just like the boy racers, really. Only bigger.

Drew McAdam

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