I have a theory. And if the theory is right, this will be the last time you’ll read my column. Because I’ll have shot back in time to 1960.
As I write this there are only a few hours to go until the exact moment of the 55th anniversary of my birth. Now, there’s a theory I’ve been harbouring for a while – 50 years, to be exact. I’ve always had this conviction that on reaching the age of 55 – exactly 55 years from the moment I was born – I would slip through a time warp and find myself back as a 5-year old kid again. In my old bedroom, with my childhood friends, getting ready to start school BUT carrying with me all the confidence, knowledge and experience I have gathered over the past half century.
Although I would be back in time, I would know of all the future momentous events in history – I should win a few bob at the bookies with THAT knowledge. I would also know which fledgling computer companies to invest in. And I could tell my teachers with absolute confidence that there was no point in me doing arithmetic because by the time I needed to do any adding up in the real world we would all have personal calculators. Great stuff.
I’ll also have the fabulous 1972 to look forward to again. And I’ll be bending spoons a month before Uri Geller instead of a month after – as happened the last time. Well, my 55th birthday is now only a few hours away. So, just in case it happens the way I always though it would, if you don’t hear from me again it’s because I’ve gone back in time and I’m listening to “The Twist” by Chubby Checker and “It’s Now Or Never “ by Elvis Presley on a valve wireless the size of a telephone box.
Or I’m busy running barefoot through the park, chasing bees and collecting conkers.
Here’s hoping. Failing that, the Drew’s Views column will be here again next week.