If I could accurately predict the lottery numbers, would you pay attention? Of course you would.
Well, I might not know the winning numbers, but I would like to make a prediction that is guaranteed one hundred percent accurate. It is for West Lothian Council in general, and the Roads Department in particular. Yes, a genuine prediction.
Let’s see if THEY pay attention.
As a regular guest on STV’s “The Hour”, the presenters seem to really enjoy when I get them to select something at random, then demonstrate that I knew in advance what the outcome would be.
Last week, Michelle McManus selected a celebrity at random from a list of a hundred. She happened to opt for Sean Connery, and it just so happened that I had already arranged to have a Sean Connery lookalike planted in the wings.
It proved that I knew, in advance of the event, what was going to happen. I had predicted it.
So, here is a special prediction for West Lothian Council. (And remember, I have a reputation for getting these things right. Just think of me as a sort of Nostradamus of the North.)
My prediction for Oor Cooncil: I realise that this may come as something of a surprise, but over the next few weeks it’s going to get colder. Ice will form on the roads and pavements of West Lothian. There might even be snow.
So, now that you know what the future holds, it might be a good idea to nip down to wherever you keep the rock salt supplies and check that, this year, you have enough.
Because “whindust” (just granulated rocks, really) doesn’t contain salt, and doesn’t dissolve. Which is why the citizens of West Lothian are still tramping it into their homes a year after you spread tons of it all round the streets. And it’s why many drains are blocked.
There; the oracle has spoken.
PLEASE don’t have me coming back halfway through the winter and saying: “I told you so.” It’s boring for me: it’s embarrassing for you.