There’s something endlessly fascinating about alternative therapies. You know the sort of things – special water from fairyland to cure bunions, or powdered unicorn horn to help with embarrassing bottom problems.
It amazes me that people actually fall for the far-out nonsense. And if you have the money to buy these snake oils, then feel free to spend your hard earned wonga on any of the above. In fact, if I didn’t have morals and principles, I could sell you a selection of these remedies.
Some of you may know that I make a living from replicating apparent psychic phenomena, and that I do it by using science, psychology, suggestion and a few sneaky techniques. One of the demonstrations I love performing is bending spoons, Uri Geller style. It’s fun, it’s wonderful, its… being used to cure cancerous tumours.
A TV producer friend of mine is investigating the claims made by an individual in the United States that because he can bend steel spoons with his mind, and tumours contain iron, he can sort of… “magic” away the tumour. For a price, of course.
It would be laughable, were it not for the fact that the people seeking out this “healing” are desperate and vulnerable. Of course, it’s easy for those of us who are healthy to stand back and look at the weird and outlandish claims of alternative healing therapies and scoff. But, you know what? It’s amazing how many people fall for similar things, all be it on a smaller scale.
For example, in Detroit, you can get a facial, with exfoliation, then a masque and then waxing. But not for your face… for your bum! I’m not kidding. Then there is Reiki combined with the “healing power of horses”. A mere £140, by the way.
And if you want something even more questionable, you could go for the snake massage on offer in Israel. A massage, with real snakes.
Sure, these are pretty harmless – and I hope the snakes are – but when it comes to things like psychic surgery, where the “healer” appears to dig into the human body with his bare hands and pull out the tumour, desperate people are being fleeced for millions of dollars. (Psychic surgery is achieved by sleight of hand, in case you were wondering.)
And all of this explains why my chum is going after the spoon-bending tumour blaster. It’ll make great television, and it will hopefully mean that patients seek out treatment from health professionals rather than these charismatic charlatans.
Having said that, if you still want powdered unicorn horn, you can find my stall at Bathgate Market.