I don’t believe you… You tell me I’m a valued customer, but once you have me in your clutches you couldn’t care less.

I’ve been phoning a few companies recently, and I have to say that in general their customer service stinks. From having spent hours calling banks, communication companies and utility suppliers I now have a complete collection of pre-recorded fob-off phrases.

“Your call is important to us. Please hold.” Actually, that’s pretty clever of you because my call may NOT actually be important to you. I might just be planning to play my Alice Cooper albums down the phone at you, seeing that I’ve had to listen to your crummy selection of cheesy tunes.

And if my call is so important to you, how come you’ve kept me hanging on so long that I’ve grown a beard?

This from my bank: “I’m transferring you to the department that deals with that particular query.” A moment’s silence, then a recorded voice informing me: “This number is no longer in use.” Beeeeeeep.

Nice one.

Mind you, it’s better than some of the numbers West Lothian Council use. Try phoning them, and it just rings and rings. After a few minutes of waiting for somebody to pick up, it simply cuts you off.

Well, here’s my message to them: “Please listen to the following options: (Button 1 on your keypad) Talk to me when I call you – or I will tell everybody how awful your customer service is. I will do it in my newspaper column, and online… and to anybody who will listen. Or (Button 2 on your keypad) say goodbye as I take my custom elsewhere.”

Or, in the case of West Lothian Council, maybe we should just go down to their lovely big flash HQ and try to contact them by standing out in the carpark and yelling into a megaphone at them. If you did that, at least you wouldn’t simply be ignored.

Drew McAdam


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