WATER PIECE OF NONSENSE

 

Oh, the excitement. I can hardly wait for him to turn up.

A letter from Scottish Water “Always serving Scotland” was delivered to my office. It informs me that, according to their latest review, their records show “the above premises has a connection to the public water and is registered as being vacant.”

Wrong on both counts. And, anyway, why are they writing if it’s vacant? Some “review”, that.

An additional leaflet informs me that business customers can choose their water and sewerage supplier…. To be honest, I’m not sure I want a supply of sewerage. But maybe that’s just me.

Anyway, the letter continues that if I wish to put the proposed disconnection on hold, I can “…contact Scottish water… within the next two weeks.” If they don’t receive a reply within that time, then they “intend to proceed to disconnect the supply to the premises.”

Between you and I, their chance of getting a tinsel-wrapped camel as a Christmas gift is about the same as them getting a reply from me. Oh, what fun.

Now, I’m assuming that their records must be correct. If they say they are supplying the office with water, then there must be taps and a sink at the very least. I mean, they would know, wouldn’t they?

However, I have searched throughout my tiny office – looked behind the blinds and under the table. I even had a rake around in the filing cabinet – but, so far, I’ve found nothing. Not a tap, pipe or sink anywhere. The only water I have in my office is of the bottled variety. But I’m sure the water supplier knows best. After all, they have carried out a review and compiled their records.

And I’m sure the little man they send along with a big spanner to disconnect the supply will be able to show me exactly where the invisible taps and sinks are – maybe even an invisible toilet, too! And oh, what fun we’ll have searching for it.

Like I said, I can hardly wait. Bring it on!

Drew McAdam

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