These days, shopping has become a leisure pursuit. But there was a time, believe it or not, when it was a chore. As a boy, I’ve had many a precious Saturday morning ruined by being sent off with a long shopping list and a leather message bag that was so big I had to drag it behind me.

Maybe that’s why I loathe shopping to this day. But I suspect many men of my age detest being hauled to the shops by their nearest and dearest. Well, gents. I have a few suggestions for ways to make it more tolerable… actually, to make it fun!

Ladies, look away now.

Did you know you can buy a watch that is also a multi-TV remote control? It even works through glass! I’ve had hours of fun standing outside various electronic outlets remotely increasing the volume of the display TV’s. It causes havoc – with sales staff running everywhere trying to turn them down again. Of course, as they switch down the volume of one and move onto the next, you just switch it up again!

Ah, but you say your partner insists that you accompany her to clothes shops. No worries. There’s plenty of fun to be had there, too. For example, you can go into an empty changing cubicle and wait till somebody goes into the one next door, then yell: “Hey! There’s no toilet roll in here!”

Or you can try on a pair of trousers but put them on back to front, then ask the sales person: “Be honest, does my bum look big in this?”

More? Another good one is to hand a load of trousers to the assistant, loudly announcing that you’re not going to buy them because “none of them are leak-proof”.

Oh, and if it’s grocery shopping that needs your attention, setting out a trail of orange juice down the aisles and into the toilets should create a bit of mayhem to amuse you.

Unfortunately, this is a family newspaper, so I can’t tell you the fun to be had with a little scoop of peanut butter on the heel of your shoe – but I’m sure you get the idea.

Gents, it has been my pleasure to offer some suggestions as to how to take your least favourite activity, and turn it into something fun. Just try not to look too excited the next time your partner suggests a shopping trip!

Okay, ladies, you can look back again.

Drew McAdam


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