RULES FOR A RUCKSACK

The new fashion accessory, they come in all shapes, colours and sizes. And I loathe them with a passion.

I’m talking about bags of all descriptions. Rucksacks, duffel bags, those silly stuff bags and so on. But the worst of all is the ubiquitous backpack.

There was a time when the only place you ever saw a rucksack was at Scout camp, halfway up a mountain, or in a Youth Hostel. Now they’re everywhere.

Over the past few days I’ve been reviewing shows at the Edinburgh Fringe, and it seems that everybody has a rucksack of some description strapped to their back. I mean, what DO they carry in there? Is it really necessary to carry all your worldly possessions with you everywhere you go?

Lines of self-absorbed student-types will be walking down a packed street, then suddenly stop and turn around. The humps on their backs turn into lethal weapons, clubbing children to the ground and bowling over innocent bystanders.

In the queues for tickets, the fact that each person has a rucksack doubles the length of the line. And when they start looking around at their surrounding, you’re going to get a fridge-sized pack of nylon and webbing right in the face.

Even just one pedestrian with one of these things on their back suddenly changing direction as they march along the pavement could take out a dozen innocent passers-by.

Maybe we could start a new trend. A couple of tourist rucksacks with legs sticking out the bottom as they amble along the pavement, blocking your path? You have every right to creep up behind them and set fire to their backpack. What fun.

Of course, the answer might be for me to buy one of my own and stuff it with my belongings. That way, if somebody nearly takes me out with their haversack, I can do it right back to them.

Actually, thinking about it, it might be fun if we ALL had them; turning a whole street into the biggest pillow fight in the world.

Drew McAdam

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