When it comes to technology there are two types of people. Those who work happily with the latest advances, and those who don’t.

Actually, there is a third category; and that’s the one I fall into. It’s the group who think technology works by magic and little pixies.

It was time to upgrade my phone from the clunky press-a-button-and-make-a-call brick, and I decided – stupidly, given my luck with hi-tech gizmos – to get one of the very latest, top of the range pieces of techno-kit.

As a result, I have now lost every single friend and work contact from my old phone. However, my new contact list – and I’m not kidding here – consists of everybody I have ever known in my entire life. It has updated itself with every contact from my Facebook, Linked-in and Twitter accounts.

Now, because of my line of work, literally hundreds of people follow me on these social network sites, and their details are now cluttering up my new phone. Which is great, except I don’t have any phone numbers for them. Pictures, dates of birth, food preferences – yes. Phone numbers – no.

This meant I had to spend hours adding all my REAL contacts manually. One by one. And I bet I’ve made a few mistakes. Goodness only knows who I’ll be talking to in the coming weeks.

The one thing about the new phone that appealed to me is that I just have to talk to it, and it does what I tell it. Voice activated – imagine!

“Text. Allan Scott”. Up pops his mobile number. I then say: “Hello, Allan. I will meet you in one hour.” It sends the text, just like that.

Cutting edge technology, right? Wrong.

Because somebody, somewhere, who doesn’t know me from Adam gets a message that reads “halo aileen eye wall moot you on won hire”.

Yes, this wonder-phone can take photographs, play music, keep my diary, guide me with GPS, access the interweb thingy, and keep me abreast of the news. All of which is wonderful. So, hopefully, one day I’ll work out how to actually use my phone to call somebody.

In the meantime, should you receive a cryptic text from a number you don’t recognise, it’s probably me still shouting at my new phone.

Drew McAdam


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