In our later years a lot of us will end up in a residential home, sucking Mint Imperials and telling anybody who’ll listen about the Good Old Days.
But not me.
Taking up residence in a home is expensive – in excess of £500 a week on average. That’s about six times the basic pension.
Unfortunately a number of these homes are substandard. In fact, a couple of years back Care Commission officers slapped an enforcement order on a West Lothian facility. They said they had “serious concerns” about the standard of hygiene and infection at the home.
So, here is my mastermind plan. When the time comes, I’m going to book myself into one of these Premier Travel Holiday Lodge Inn places. Why? Because rooms are under £20 a day, plus you’d get a discount for a long term contract. That’s a fraction of the cost of staying in a residential home.
When the grandchildren come to visit, they eat for free. Plus they can use the swimming pool.
Besides the obvious attraction of the stuff-your-face hotel buffet breakfast, every room has a flat screen satellite television set along with tea and coffee making facilities – and biscuits. I can shower when I want, then amble off to the bar while housekeeping is cleaning the room, replacing the bed linen and topping up the mini-bar.
Then there’s the advantages of having staff at my beck and call, the hotel supply towels and toiletries – and newspapers. And if I get bored of that particular establishment I can move on to another cheap ‘n’ cheerful hotel in a different town; perhaps somewhere that has a better weather forecast. Or a nicer view.
In fact, if I get together with some of my friends we could all see out our Autumn years as one big happy group, being catered for and having a fine old time to ourselves.
Now, does that not make perfect sense?