Do you have a good job? And by “good job” I don’t mean something that impresses people at cocktail parties. No, I mean an occupation that you really enjoy. One that leaves you fulfilled at the end of the working day, rather than just something you do to fill the hours until home-time.

Let’s be honest. Most of us don’t take the career path we envisaged for ourselves when we were in Primary 4. Things tend not to work out that way – unless you are one of the Pussycat Dolls. Or you’re Simon Cowell. Or both.

So, if I went along to the Job Centre and gave them my list of requirements for my idea of the perfect career, the following would make the list…

Firstly, an above average income. Next, I would require decent prospects for quick promotion. And if that meant some of my colleagues were getting killed and I was filling dead men’s shoes, I could accept that.

It would be nice if accommodation came with the job; preferably a luxury island hideaway, or tucked deep within a snow-covered mountain, or maybe on a space colony. Such an arrangement would suit me just fine.

Also, I wouldn’t want a particularly strenuous job. Something with a fair amount of standing around would suit. And if work clothes were provided… Hang on, not a uniform, a costume. A silver tracksuit, perhaps, with a menacing logo on the breast pocket.

So far so good. But it would also have to be an exciting job. Helicopters, fast cars – maybe even the occasional explosion.

Oh, and add to that the possibility of regular world travel. It would be nice to get around a bit.

Yes, that ticks all the boxes for me. If I could land a job like that I would be very happy indeed.

With all that in mind, I’m off to the Job Centre – because the James Bond villains must get their Personal Assistant from somewhere.

Okay, there is the possibility of a messy death some time before my retirement party, but it might just be worth it – what will all the perks.

So, if you are a psychopathic evil genius intent on world domination, and you need a right-hand-man, I’m the very person for the job. Drop me a line with a SAE, and I’ll send you my CV by return.

Here’s hoping.

Drew McAdam


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